Analogies > See in Context
The One-Finned Fish
There was once a fish with one fin, called You, who swam in the Sea of Life, which was very deep and was in constant motion. The amount of effort it took You to swim even a few feet caused exhaustion. After all, You only had one fin, so it was wiser to stick to the Shallows where the current was more stable.
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Original artwork by Teacher Kelly You, a one-finned fish.
However, over time, You became more and more curious about how deep the Sea of Life was. You knew that it must take a lot of effort to swim deeper. You tried many times, got nowhere, and had no choice but to be content in the Shallows.
You was not alone, though. There were friends and family to consider, and without their help, how could You survive all alone?
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Original artwork by Teacher Kelly You in the Sea of Life.
In fact, You’s life was very comfortable. As a small fry, You’s parents watched out for predators or fishing humans. They let nothing happen to You. Parents in the Sea of Life always warned about the fishing boat, called Hardship.
“When Hardship comes, you had better go home. If you don’t, the humans will scoop you up and eat you,” the Loved Ones would say.
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Original artwork by Teacher Kelly You threatened by Hardship.
In spite of the Love Ones’ warnings, You could not escape the curiosity of the deep ocean. Every day, You dreamed of swimming to the bottom to see what was there. You didn’t know how to do it or if it was possible.
One day, You was swimming with Loved Ones, and they all saw something amazing. It was a three-finned fish close to the surface of the sea. This three-finned fish, They, was very famous and gentle.
After seeing They, You became very emboldened and excited to start an adventure. You observed the Loved Ones, and they were afraid. The Loved Ones said that they should all return to the Shallows immediately. No one wanted to be separate from the group because then Hardship may snatch them out of the water. As it was, they were already far away from safety.
Torn between choices, You didn’t know what to do.
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Original artwork by Teacher Kelly They swimming near You.
Meanwhile, They swam by without a care because it was too big to worry about Hardship. They’s many fins helped to glide through the Sea of Life with ease. They hardly noticed You at all. Regardless, You couldn’t stop watching They. Inspiration, bravery, and determination each built up inside of You. Each time You thought of the Loved Ones, those feelings deflated. You felt hopeless; the Loved Ones always talked You into going back to the Shallows.
You did swim back to the Shallows, but this time was different. You’s one fin drooped to the right, overburdened by sadness.
You thought about why the Loved Ones may not want to use effort to swim deeper in the Sea of Life. Why wouldn’t the Loved Ones want to go into unknown spaces? The Sea of Life is so big, maybe They doesn’t know every inch of it. Perhaps one day, You could teach They a thing or two. You smiled at that thought.
You believed that the Loved Ones were concerned for You’s safety. This was the obvious answer, the one that You thought of every time. You had a different thought that day: the Loved Ones did not want You to leave. The Loved Ones loved You, wanted to keep You around, and to lose You would make them very sad indeed.
Thinking hard about the issue, You thought if You stayed, then You would be the one who was sad forever. It seemed as though this game had no winner.
Another thought occurred to You. What if other one-finned fish had the same idea as You, but were staying with Loved Ones because they didn’t want to hurt them? On the other hand, maybe they were afraid to leave the Shallows. If You showed bravery and courage to leave, You’s actions would make them feel inadequate about themselves. If You left, then You would show them strength, passion, and bravery.
When they looked inside their hearts, they would find that they were too afraid to try going deeper themselves. It was too much effort for them. The one-finned fish only had one fin, after all.
In a way, it was these two things — feelings of inadequacy and emotional dependency—that made the Loved Ones want You to stay by their side. The Loved Ones didn’t want You to grow because that would reveal the work they had to do. Everyone must do work so that they grow for their own sake. For the Loved Ones, keeping You nearby only served themselves in the end.
They were Self-Fish.
A shadow moved above You. It was Hardship, and You’s Loved Ones were shouting. “Swim, You! Come with us!”
Though it pained You’s little heart, You made a choice to be happy. You could only hope they would understand one day.
“I am going to the Deep, now,” You said. I love you all, and thank you for loving me, too.”
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Original artwork by Teacher Kelly You swimming away with They.
You flicked that little, finned tail as fast as it would flick. You swam deeper and deeper, tumbled about by the currents They was making in passing. You flicked that little tail as fast as possible to go deeper. You lost balance, twirled upside down, and got whacked by They’s big tail fin. You kept up the effort, thought, and achieved a deeper position in the Sea of Life. Through You’s tears, there was strength of will, for staying behind was a promise of a stagnant life. Will You see the Loved Ones again?
Finally, You found a position under They where the current wasn’t so strong. You observed the surroundings for a while. There was a four-finned fish that loomed below, and You was very keen to notice even small details on They’s belly.
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Original artwork by Teacher Kelly You swimming away with They.
You learned how to be a fish that dove deeper. You learned by doing, by observing, and by self-correcting through humility. You loved, learned, forgave, and let go. You made a choice and dealt with the consequences. Those were the consequences deemed more acceptable than staying in the Shallows.
Before You knew it, another fin started to grow on top. You became a two-finned fish. You became happy after all. The appreciation felt for the Loved Ones, for effort, for They and Hardship, and all the other things grew deeper than the Deep.
A sudden realization occurred: in Life, You really is a small thing.
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Original artwork by Teacher Kelly You swimming away with They.
Moral
The parable helps to understand how loved ones may hold back your spiritual progress and personal growth. It’s likely they mean well, and whether their warnings are true or exaggerated, they may not realize they’re arresting your progress.
The fear of disappointing others is real, but it’s not fair to live according to someone else’s standards. As a result of our decisions, we may lose contact with friends or family members—whether that is permanently or temporarily. However, sometimes such things are necessary to grow.
- If your loved ones are true to you and want the best for you, they will love you regardless of what you do. They will love you enough to let you go.
- If they cannot accept your decisions, then they may be overcome by their own fears. Your growth may cause them to reflect on their own, and they be confused on how to move forward. If they feel stuck but you move along, they may have feelings of being left behind. You might be the light of their world, and they may not be able to resist the urge—their perceived need—to keep you near them at all costs.
You may begin to have overwhelming feelings that you are being selfish, and you might feel like sacrificing your quest for theirs. Do what you want—everyone is different. Be aware that doing what you want to do isn’t selfish, but expecting others to do what you want is.
Remaining with people who hold you back may eventually make you feel like a prisoner. You would remain in a situation from which your heart is screaming for you to move on. Freedom is a right that should be understood, learned, and accepted. Love is stronger, and love should maintain all bonds, despite distances or the passage of time.