☀️ sun > Love > Instinct > Self-aware > Self-Love, Iterations: 0

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Illustrative Narrative

Words: 649 Duration (140wpm): 4m37s

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Definition

🥰-📝

In the program, self-love means being true to who you are, appreciating your own value, and treating yourself well. You defend what you believe, you define your boundaries, and you don’t deny yourself the opportunity to be who you are. While negativity has its place, a positive attitude helps you treat yourself with honest fairness and humble honor. Self-love teaches you to accept painful truths with dignity. It also teaches that you have a significant value, whether it’s to the world or to yourself, because you have many things to give. Self-love is accepting your flaws, not thinking you are perfect.

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Terms

Hyper-Independence

• People offer help you genuine support, but you feel unworthy to receive it. You reject it, believe that you are a lost cause, and retreat into martyrdom.
  • “edgelord”
  • “drama queen”
  • “lone wolf”
  • “performative suffering”
  • “trauma masking”

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Goal

• You incorporate the darkness with the light because they are both a part of you.
• Similarly, you integrate the harshness of the real world with your inner world.

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Learning Points

1. How do I receive love?
2. How do I protect myself?
3. How do I forgive myself?
4. What’s the point?

ᛝ · · · Hyper-independence ᛝ · · · Bitterness ᛝ · · · Isolation ᛝ · · · Regretful Doormat ᛝ · · · Chronic Self-sabotage ᛝ · · · Self-pity ᛝ · · · Feeling Broken ᛝ · · · Diminished Self-efficacy ᛝ · · · Negative Loops ᛝ · · · Cynical People Pleasing ᛝ · · · Nihilism

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How do I receive love?

1. It highlights any stubbornness that closes off support.
2. It reveals how you cannot receive support if you actively—albeit blindly—reject it.
3. It gives you an inflow of love.

1 Positive Conscience

• It’s the energy creator, using dopamine and serotonin to motivate.
• Its commentary resembles your ability for appreciation, encouragement, and resourcefulness.
• Its job is to facilitate the health of your mind and body. It reminds you of your value, progress, and capacity to create. It builds self-efficacy and character.
• It stabilizes nerves, clears brain fog, and sustains endurance.

2 Negative Conscience

• It’s the energy burner, using cortisol to motivate.
• Its hyper-vigilance to negativity is a survival mechanism.
• Its job is to make sure you never get blindsided, complacent, and soft.
• It protects you from failure by judging harshly, making unfair comparisons, and chastising your past.

3 Balance

• Learn to listen to both wolves, but don’t let your emotions or feelings get hurt by them.
• Don’t let the positive conscience lull you into a false sense of security where you might suffer a surprise attack.
• Don’t let the negative conscience minimize and deflect real compliments because you will feel empty of love.
• Use their comments with your logic to work through an issue.

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How do I protect myself?

1. It helps establish boundaries without feeling guilt.
2. It prevents the outflow of your energy to others.
3. You maintain and retain your personal power instead of giving it away.
4. You stop trying to please others rather than yourself.

1 Instant, Short-term

• Promotes

2 Delayed, Long-term

• Promotes

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How do I forgive myself?

1. It stops harmful cycles of reliving past mistakes.
2. It ends seeing oneself as flawed or broken.
3. It stops the constant self-sabotage of unconscious beratement.
4. It grows personal grace with dignity.

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Exploratory Questions

When someone gave you positive feedback, what did you do with that energy? Did you deflect it with a joke, minimize it, or immediately counter it with a flaw?

STRATEGY

• Listen for
  • an automatic reflex for blocking love
• Guide toward
  • accepting the praise with grace and humility
  • What does your reaction reveal about which conscience is talking to you?
  • If you are letting the negative conscience berate you into cowering, how does this paralysis help you to build anything good?
  • What is so frightening about saying “thank you” and allowing the praise to give you energy?
    • Does humility require the rejection of praise?
    • Does praise give you energy to keep going?
    • Why do you reject energy?
  • By rejecting positive energy, are you effectively not feeding the positive wolf?
    • Is the positive wolf too nice, too unimposing to alert you that it is starving to death?

Look back at the past week and determine your level of negativity vs. positivity. Suppose it's true that your positive conscience generates energy through appreciation from others, and your negative conscience consumes energy to audit mental and physical protections. What does your current exhaustion level tell you about your budget between how much energy you generated and how much you spent this week?

STRATEGY

• Listen for
  • making excuses and ignoring facts
• Guide toward
  • making a concrete balance sheet
  • If you were a car and your gas tank needed praise instead of gasoline, how far would you get by rejecting a refueling when you need it?
    • In the same way, if you owned a restaurant that cost $10kpermonthtorun,couldyouaffordtokeepitopenifyourmonthlyincomeis$1k because you are rejecting customers?

Try to remember the last time you made a mistake. In that instance, how could you allow both systems to do their job? What would it look like to let the negative conscience objectively identify the problem through criticism, while completely trusting the positive conscience to support your personal value and provide the stamina to rebuild?

STRATEGY

• Listen for
  • relying on one conscience over the other
• Guide toward
  • mediate between the two consciences to synthesize a middle ground
  • If you are driving a car and you ignore a flat tire, how can you reconcile the flat but still have the strength to change the tire?
  • If you had to start a finished project over again because of some issue, what would you need from the negative and positive consciences to have the strength to start over?
  • Supposing you were a manager and the two consciences are your employees, how would a manager make decisions based on the information provided from employees?

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Thought Experiments

• Listen for
  • xxx
• Guide toward
  • xxx

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