Emotional Avoidance Trap

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The emotional avoidance trap describes a person who is stuck knowing what they should do, but give up before even trying. As a result, you seek relief as a distraction from difficulty and an escape from pain.

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Symptoms

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You may experience one or more of these. Please remember, these are nonjudgmental assessments.

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1. You know what to do, but avoid doing them because you want to distance yourself from stress.
2. You sometimes feel confused or overwhelmed, but you know they’re just excuses.
3. You are a perfectionist and a procrastinator who believes that if something can’t be finished perfectly, then it isn’t worth starting at all.
4. You have a series of beliefs or mindsets (Mind Prison) that hold you back.

Plan of Attack

Focus on

1. Accept that you cannot get the shared reality to match your private reality
2. Accept that friction is the natural result of the two mismatched realities
3. Use Self-Monitoring to recognize when it is happening
4. Stop the pattern by using the micro actions below

Micro Actions

1. Just Five Minutes: Promise yourself that you will work on the task for 5 minutes, then quit.
2. Trash Draft: Start with the intent to make the worst possible draft of the solution to your problem.
3. Step Backwards: Think of the end goal, then work backwards through the steps. This makes each step a little easier. Keep going until the first step requires minimal effort.
4. Intent Implement: Choose an action that you do every morning. Then, when you do that action, set your mindset for the day. For example, “When I put on my shoes, I will *tell myself that facing my fears is safe and healthy *.”

Commentary

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One of the biggest traps of all is encountered in so many situations. Your emotions are great tools, but if they’re ignored, they’re incredible obstacles.

Suppose you have a deep desire to accomplish a goal. If you are strong in your agency and your identity, you may understand the work and sacrifice that come with accomplishing that desire.

If you are in a more vulnerable state, your subconscious may be yelling for you to avoid the desire pains. As a result, maybe you decide to go the path of least resistance and conserve your energy. Both are actions that numb can your system of desire totally, especially with repeated suppression.

You tell yourself that the struggle to achieve the desire to achieve the goal isn’t worth the effort. Like a baby asking for a toy, your desires keep wanting to be realized. However, like a protective parent, your subconscious mind keeps telling your desires to sit down and be quiet. As a result, you unwittingly convinced yourself you want nothing.

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See Also

• Self-identity