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Love > Instinct > Self-aware > Self-identity
Self-identity
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In this program, self-identity means a person’s uniqueness, principles, beliefs, agency, self-worth, and narrative continuity. These are known as the strings of our “six-string guitar” metaphor.
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Self-identity is established by asking establishing the ultimate environment of love. Then, we seek to “know thyself” as we ask existential questions and answer them.
Everything about a person is irreplaceable. A person has their own body, personality, background, values, and more. They embody a perspective that is entirely their own. Self a way to know oneself so as to proceed by making choices that align with who they are.
Moral You can’t love others if you don’t love yourself.
Mnemonic
- You are never separated from love.
- A defenseless port invites pirates.
Illustrative Story Mrs. Huang’s Story Mr. Turner’s Story Sarah’s Story
Goal
- You will know what the self wants, its worth, its principles, its uniqueness, that its actions matter, and that its current beliefs are filtered away from indoctrination and toward intuition.
- You will know what you prefer by feeling what’s right (alignment, resonance) and what feels wrong (misalignment, dissonance) through intuition.
- The self is as special as every other because it’s not a competition of uniqueness but a celebration of variety.
- You are as special as a potato in a basket of potatoes. You might have a special shape, have a fuller flavor, and be a bit more robust, but you are a single potato among many.
- In this process of defining self-identity, there is no judgment, and there isn’t a plea for validation. We’re just being aware that you are unique.
Learning Points
- Where am I?
- Who am I?
- What do I want?
1. Where am I?
- it orients by:
- humbling the ego and inducing a sense of awe;
- defining the rules of the “game” you’re playing;
- offering love as the ultimate environment.
- it reveals the environment by:
- moving it away from a cold space toward a warm place, giving context, texture, and color. It’s not just a place on a map, but it’s a living experience.
- transitioning a person from a passive observer to an active participant of the world.
- You aren’t watching your life happen on a movie screen. You are the character making decisions and taking actions.
- it distinguishes ego from soul by:
- showing that the ego is a mortal part of you that lasts as long as you are alive, which can be equated to subjectivity;
- explaining that the world’s idea of “soul” is an immortal part of you that lasts forever, which can be equated to objectivity.
Misery Points
ᛝ · · · Anxiety ᛝ · · · Disorientation ᛝ · · · Inflated Ego ᛝ · · · Disconnected ᛝ · · · Loneliness ᛝ · · · Unsupported
1.1 Scale
Our universe is both vast and tiny, wide and narrow, shallow and deep. You will be thrilled at how big you can be and amazed at how small you are.
When you click the Scale of the Universe 2 by Cary Huang below, you will see an interactive scale of the universe. At the bottom of the screen, there is a scrollbar. Dragging the circle left goes deeper into the micro (small) universe. You’ll see things like rice and a grain of salt. Dragging the circle right goes deeper into the macro (big) universe, where you’ll see stars and galaxies. You are encouraged to go left first, then go right.
- Scale of the Universe 2
- How do you feel after seeing that?
- Do you feel big, small, or free?
1.2 Understanding Environment
Science informs that an organism can never be removed from the environment. No matter where an organism is, it exists within an environment.
The environment is understood in several ways, but these are the scenes or places in which you find yourself.
The environment is understood in several ways, but these are the scenes or places in which you find yourself.
Environment Outline
- Love as the Ultimate Environment
- Micro and Macro Environments
- quantum mechanics and classical mechanics
- Immediate, External Environment
- culture, country, tradition, job, etc.
- Internal Environment
- imagination, intuition, identity, etc.
- Micro and Macro Environments
Since you cannot be separated from love, the mistakes you make are not mistakes, but exactly what you need to progress.
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Micro and macro environments These are the worlds that we saw stretched across the Scale of the Universe 2 presentation. These may not play an immediate role in your life, but they help to establish the rules of reality.
Immediate, external environment This is the parts of reality that are closest to you, such as:
- Country
- Culture & Tradition
- Climate
- Family & Friends
- Career
- Everything else!
Internal environment These are things that only you can perceive mentally.
- Private Reality
- Intuition & Imagination
- Positive & Negative Conscience
- Self-identity and -love
- Much more!
1.3 Moral
You are never separated from love, even if you feel that you are. You cannot see the air, yet it’s there. Love knows and supports you, but it pushes you to grow in ways that unite rather than divide. When the time for survival mode reaches its end, love is ready and waiting to receive you.
2. Who am I?
- It reveals your uniqueness, not through vanity or humility, but as a service to love.
- It reveals your principles.
- It helps you know what to believe by trading indoctrination for intuition.
- It shows that your actions matter.
- It shows how to value yourself.
- It shows your identity across your life.
- It helps you know what you want and set goals.
- It unveils your locus of control (how you seek validation) by distinguishing the relative self from the absolute self.
- You may wish you see more in Realistic Confidence.
Misery Points
ᛝ · · · Compliant ᛝ · · · Unprincipled ᛝ · · · Easily Manipulated ᛝ · · · Helplessness ᛝ · · · Worthlessness ᛝ · · · Meaninglessness ᛝ · · · Performative Relationships
2.1 Validation
In the context of human existence, this is the need for you to be seen, heard, and acknowledged as a valuable person. It reassures you that your internal world and private reality (your thoughts, feelings, and existence) matters and is sensible. It gives a sense of belonging to the world and in your human body.
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A person stands between an internal and external world. We can picture these relationships by looking at a figure.
In the middle is the “balance” spot, where most people should aim to be. Extending vertically outward is the internal world axis, and the external world axis draws itself horizontally.
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Notice that in the background is the ultimate environment of love to support and accept all activities.
BREAKOUT!
For the Inexperienced
If you are a young person, knowing who you are can start any time you are ready to ask these questions. Science suggests that the human brain doesn’t fully develop until you are 25 years old. If you’ve lived a sheltered life, sitting into complacency can feel like quicksand. You sit still because it feels like moving is dangerous. If you don’t move, eventually you will just sink.
The existential questions asked regarding self-identity are heavy. Sometimes, the reality is that it takes time and experiences to discover the answers for yourself. Before your self-identity is realized, it’s a good idea to involve yourself in various activities.
You don’t have to know who you are before you interact with the world. Thinking tirelessly of who you are can be an endless loop if you have no understanding on what’s possible in the world.
Therefore, experience the world, set a goal, and explore. Toss some ideas against the wall and see what sticks. Try stuff you never tried before. Travel to a new culture if you can. Doing so can open up many new perspectives and give you great clues as to what you prefer, which may lead to refining and revealing who you are.
No matter what you do, the experiences you have will teach you something. The more experiences you have, the better the chance you will find something meaningful to you.
2.2 Six-String Guitar
In the program, your self-identity is composed of 6 important aspects, and we use a six-string guitar to illustrate the understanding of how these aspects work together. Each of the below aspects, or strings, are explained later.
Think of an acoustic guitar and all its parts that make the instrument special and valuable. The six parts of “Who am I” are like strings on that guitar. We’ll also give them a special counterpart piece of the guitar’s anatomy.
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Breakout!
Locus of Control
Remember, the locus of control describes how you seek validation, from the external or internal world. It’s called the locus of “control” because it gives control over your mental state to the internal world (you) or the external worlds (other people and events).
Finding what validates you is important because validation gives us the energy to keep going. Think about moving through a room, but no one looks at or engages you. Depending on your locus of control, you could feel fine or like a ghost.
Transclude of absolute-vs.-relative-self#^absolute-relative-chart
You can use this chart to see what makes you feel validated. Write it down so that it’s easier to remember.
2.3 Activities
The Bumpy Key You are special because there is only one of you. What we are going to do now is talk about how only you fit in certain situations. What we are doing here isn’t a way to exaggerate the truth, but to reveal the exact truth. This is not just an attempt to charm you.
- Think of an ordinary key. It has weird, irregular bumps along the length of it. This combination of peaks and valleys fits a certain lock, and if they don’t match exactly, the lock remains locked.
- Now, imagine that the key is you.
- Can you explain how this key and lock symbolizes why you matter to the world?
Take a moment to think on it. What is the purpose of a key and a lock? When you are ready, reveal my opinion below.
One Opinion
The lock symbolizes your purpose in life. All of those weird bumps and valleys on the key represent your uniqueness: how you think, what you do, your natural talents, your skills, and more. Only that specific configuration of bumps or uniqueness fit that lock. Only you can do the things that certain people need in certain situations. No matter what you do, you will be there when you are needed, and you will easily fill the role. It’s life; that can’t be avoided. However, don’t convince yourself that this is not true for you. That is the trap, and that is completely avoidable.
Belief, Flaw, Purpose This short exercise is not enough to tell you exactly who you are, but it teaches you how to start. This question is so difficult that it might take people their whole lives to understand it. Don’t feel bad if you feel like you still don’t know. The best way to search for the answers is to sit in silence, remove distractions, and ask yourself questions about yourself.
- What do I like?
- What do I dislike?
- What do I believe?
- Who can I trust?
The answers can bring clarity of thought, especially if you remember them!
- Write down:
- one secret belief you have, even if no one else believes it,
- a flaw that you love about yourself,
- and one purpose that you have.
- Now, suppose you are a colorful painting. Your colors are made up of what you wrote down: your belief, your flaw, and your purpose.
- What does that look like?
As we go into the next exercise, the question you face might seem insensitive. However, this is just an exercise! We are asking this question so that you know the answer.
Don’t filter your thoughts. Allow yourself to think openly, and don’t be negative toward what thoughts come up. Be honest with yourself and follow your instinct for this exercise. Say what you feel, and when you do that, you will notice a release of pressure and a sense of being heard.
Robot Copy
- Think of an ordinary pencil with your name on it. If you lose that pencil, you can replace it with another because it does the same job.
- What about you? Suppose there is a robot that copies you exactly.
- The next question might seem insensitive, but it’s asked with respect. We are exploring, therefore, don’t filter your thoughts. Be honest, and feel free to say what comes to mind.
Give yourself a chance to really think on this, and don’t give up before you get a meaningful answer. Find a quiet place, turn off your phone, ask yourself this question, and listen to what comes. Don’t worry about being wrong or right; just say what your answer is. When you are ready, click on the “One Opinion” line below to hear my answer.
One Opinion
The robot will have its own experiences and thoughts as time changes it. It might make decisions that I might not make. Machines can’t have emotions, only logic. They have no needs. They might be knowledgeable but not skillful.
Whatever beliefs, flaws, or purpose you choose, those represent you. You are the painting, and those are the colors. If you change even one of those colors, your painting would look different, and you would be a different version of you. While this lesson cannot tell you who you are, it gives you the tools to find how you are made special.
2.4 Moral
You are almost undefinable, but you are knowable. Just like reality, there are so many aspects to who you are, it might be impossible to know all of them. The fact is the more you know yourself, the easier you can give yourself the gift of your personal power.
You matter because we need you, only most of us don’t know it.
3. What do I want?
- It reveals what you truly want and encourages to realize your dream, not the social one.
- It teaches that true desire is active, creative, and full of challenges.
- It shows the difference between escapism and productivity.
- It uncovers the traps that will slow your pace and the states that define it.
ᛝ · · · Resentment ᛝ · · · Apathy (The Gray State) ᛝ · · · Envy ᛝ · · · Chronic Burnout ᛝ · · · Existential Drift
3.1 Desire
If you understand what desire is, it becomes easier to find it.
Definition of Desire:
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A desire is a deep-seated want associated with you; it’s not a casual impulse. It’s when the self seeks to express its inner world in the external world. It’s your identity assessing your immediate, external environment and deciding how it wants to contribute.
Many people think that wanting something is a fun exercise, but actually, it is full of pain because there are usually challenges to overcome.
When you declare a deep desire, the three Desire Pains become immediately clear to your subconscious mind.
You admit to yourself and the world that you care enough about something to risk being ridiculed, which may break your heart.
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What happens next? Either you are strong enough to know and accept the risks, or you fall into Traps or States, for better or worse.
Finding Desire
We can use the first two learning points for self-identity to find desire. We develop a formula that accounts for the questions you have answered already. It’s called the Desire Formula.
3.2 Moral
Learning what you desire is the third step. You first must learn how to desire. To learn how to desire, you must do one of two things (both at the same time is good): experience the world by taking agency and by knowing who you are so that you can gift yourself with something appropriate.
It’s like buying a gift for someone that you don’t know: you don’t know where to start, so you go the safe route and buy something practical. This is safe, but it doesn’t always work.
Conclusion
By now, you may see a pattern developing: be human, be you, and involve yourself in the world. Everyone has their own reality; they wish for it to be real, but reality only reflects what happens, not dreams. When we try, we are met with friction: the stress of effort, the sting of failure, and the drain of disappointment. We see those as mistakes that set us back, but they are the steps that teach. We learn what is best for us, what doesn’t fit us, and we grow from that.
Human Tree Analogy
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You are constantly growing, and you are never set back. Think of yourself as a sapling growing into a tree. You grow and reach for the sky, and you make good progress. You develop a solid trunk, and now you have a few leafy branches. Yet, your newest branch extends into the shadow of a neighbor tree, and it receives less sunlight there. As a result, it dies and falls off. As a result, you extend your new branch in a different direction, and this time it grows into the sunlight. You develop into a large tree that lives for decades yet.
Looking at this analogy in the light of a human experience, you may think the tree made a mistake by growing in the direction of a shadow. You might not, too. The limb that fell off is like you being rejected, experiencing failure, or reaching somewhere that isn’t actually fit for you. You will have emotions over that, which is normal, but you will grow again. What you experienced is the same thing a tree experiences, and maybe trees have emotions. The important part is that they continue to try, and you can, too.